hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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