she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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