I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
