well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
