Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
