You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
