Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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