I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
how do flat chested girls get laid?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
