I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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