I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
