Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize