i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
