Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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