That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize