just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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