So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
