Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
