I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
