apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
How many fucks given?
0.12846
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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