me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize