If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
