i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
