the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
