I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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