I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
