Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
