did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
