I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
