i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
