Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
