I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
