It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
