i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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