i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
