I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
