i jhust puked up my retainher.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
