yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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