Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
