Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
