i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
