there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
