Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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