I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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