I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
