I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
