He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
