Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
