sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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