i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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