You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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