You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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