so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
