she looked like the before picture.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Actions speak louder than pants.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
