Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
