He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
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