In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
