i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
