Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
thus making me awesome and them whores
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize