I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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