he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize