I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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