a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
