I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
