Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
