I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
