I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
