i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
