FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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