Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
