Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
