She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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