I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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