When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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