Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
