just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
