yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize