you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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