You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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