Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
