Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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