Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
