god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
