dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
