i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
