We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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