Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We're too hungover to prance.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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