dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
