god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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