Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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