you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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