I just threw up on my dentist
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Randomize
