After last night, I could never be a politician.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
