dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
