I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
