Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
