Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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