So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
