I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
