"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
