doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
