Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
