This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Houston, we have a blender
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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