She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
