I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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