eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
