Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
