I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
