I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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