Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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