one might say we're banned from that church
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
