Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
it's like heaven, but drunker
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
