Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
