he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
