Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
