Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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