i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Never underestimate the power of titties
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
