just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
