Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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